Cry of a Loon

Cry of a Loon (a letter to the highest bidder at ‘Chris McCauley Night’ silent auction Nov 21/15)

Dear friend, supporter of Chris, and loon lover~

A heartfelt thank you and sincere congratulations. You are now the proud owner of my labour of love, ‘Cry of a Loon’. I must tell you that you ALSO have inadvertently, become the new owner of a piece of my heart! How so... you might wonder?

Yup , this is an acrylic painting on canvas. Sure, a few brush strokes, a pallette of paints, a bottle of gloss medium, a little creativity and it’s done right?

hmmmm ...Not at all!!!

Along with the practicalities of being an artist and creating a painting, this is what went into your new piece of art, ‘Cry of a Loon’:

Many hours/days of planning exactly how I wanted to portray the loon combined with days of worry for Chris and his care ; hospital visits and then attempting to paint once home, to try to muster some positive and creative energy... AND there’s more...striving to make it just perfect! ALL my love, every inch of my creativity, my thoughts, my many moments of reminiscing as

brush

worked

its magic;

yearning quietness

yet needing LOUD bursts

of noise to try to drown out thoughts of impending sorrow and pain, for Chris of course but for all of us who love him dearly; researching painting techniques /colour choices etc. and many many moments of critiquing and evaluation of not just my painting but, of the past ...ahh how the calmness of the water juxtaposed the chaos in my head as the memories flowed! Memories of being the eldest girl in the ‘McCauley’ clan... 4 active brothers and a little sister, all who I Iove dearly! Memories of younger years in Exeter, and then our formative years in Alliston (always our ‘home’ in our hearts).

Yike, My mind continued to reminicse to more recent past... the worries, the losses, the frustrations, the intense moments of grief, the many struggles...and the present struggle to stay in the 'now' to harness the intense creative energy needed to let the

energy flow to actually paint (and oh my if I could count the many times I struggled to create/find/ force this); add in my daily TEARS, pain and my overwhelming sense sadness from the news of his diagnosis/prognosis. Nope... this is not JUST paint on canvas. A sadness beyond any kind of sadness I have ever known helped produce this Loon.

We know he is dying but not knowing what exactly ‘dying’ was to look like for him elicited a fear in me that was terrifying. What does dying of ALS look like? oh dear, I was so afraid for Chris, in pain knowing he would be in pain.

But the adage, “You don't know how strong you really are until you have to be” is so true. At each phase of his ‘atypical’ fast progressing disease it seemed that we somehow grew stronger. We have had moments as do most families, but all in all , I am so proud of Chris and our entire family for this strength and of course, LOVE! Chris has been a ‘trouper’ through all this and I KNOW he has had to deal with more than anyone of us could ever imagine~yet amongst having to be strong for him... truly , my heart breaks for him!

I had absolutely NO idea that offering to do a painting in honour of Chris would be would such an emotional experience for me- therapeutic in a way. My expectations to produce something special and ‘perfect’ for his special event GREW as this damn ALS rendered his body to a shell of what it was. This horrific ALS continues wreak havoc on his body to the point where he is now dependent on his loved ones and caring nurses to help him with daily needs. This f--king ALS has taken away his ability be the independent, strong and determined man that he was! I watch and continue to lovingly help my dear brother deal with the basic things we take for granted, namely, just breathing.

Simply...The Cry of a loon is also a cry of a sister for her brother. Its a cry of hope, a cry of pain, a cry for ‘the fight’ , a cry for defending one’s life, home and family, and damn.... protecting the ones you love! I wish I could be more like this loon! This cry, this tear is for my brother. I love you Chris, forever , Lish

OK Dear friend....Thank you for taking the time to read this and know ... it's ALWAYS ok to cry.

The piece of my heart you own through my loon, is going to be ok.